I don't believe in fidelity but I am faithful.
I don't believe in it because it's not always a matter of choice. It's a human instinct, or I should say it's the animal instinct in us that makes us cheat. It's a need.
We can choose to control our instinct, to refuse being lead by it.
But most of the people are impulsive and can't do that. They feel a need and then they go satisfy it without thinking about the consequences.
I used to cheat because I was afraid. Because when I'm afaraid of being hurt, of being cheated by my mate, that's the first thing I think about. To cheat on him. Because if I cheat first, when he will hurt me, the pain will be easier to endure. I will be able to move on faster. It's like rejecting before being rejected. I hurt the other before he get the chance to hurt me.
Or...I cheat because the one I'm with doesn't give me the attention and affection I need. And these two are primary needs for me. So if he doesn't fulfill them, I must get them from sombody else.
Stupid reasons, right?
I thought so. That's why I stopped.
It's so immature to cheat, it's a lack of respect for my boyfriend. I mean...how can I live with someone I don't respect?
It's also disrespectful for me.
I don't no, but ....I have some morals, some life principles I try to stick with, and cheating doesn't work along with them.
Yeeh, temptation is everywhere but...I don't feel so tempted anymore. I was in the begining, I thought that if somehow, one day I'll end up cheating, it would be my right because I'll have reasons to.
But now, surprisingly even for me, I don't think about doing it. I somehow feel disgusted just by picturing myself with somebody else. How could I let another one touching me?
By cheating I wouldn't hurt just the one I'm with, but also myself. Maybe even worst. How could I look to myself in the mirror if I'd do that? Could you? I wouldn't stand myself anymore. I would feel dirty, guilt would haunt me every day...
It's so wrong...
I mean, if you cheat, it's because there's something wrong in your relationship. Go fix it, don't jump on other men.
If you cheat it's because you need something and he doesn't give you that thing. Tell him, talk to him, explain how and why it's important to you.
When you try this for many times and still no change appears, try to satisfy that need on your own. Or in a different way, without cheating. I mean, some people cheat just because they need someone who listens to them. Isn't more easy and less damaging to talk to a friend, or go to a therapist?
If nothing works you should consider living without that need. Can you? Ask yourself if he is worthy of the price, is your relationship great in all the other ways, so that you can ignore that one thing wich sucks?
Of course, sometimes you have no other choice but to change the partner. He may not be the right one. If he'd be that special one, no matter how hard it would be, you'll accept him the way he is, even if he doesn't satisfy all your needs. If he'd be the right one you wouldn't jump on another man every time he's not doing what you want.
And one more thing...many times you're the problem. Stop blaming him. You might be too demanding. You might overreact. You might ask him the impossible.
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