The light doesn't come from light, but from dark

"The light doesn't come from  light, but from  dark"   (Mircea Eliade)
"Man needs what's worst in him in order to achieve what's best in him” (Paulo Coelho)
Two quotes from two of my favourites writers...Two quotes revealing the same thing.Two quotes in wich you can find hope and strenght.They teach you that you can get something good from every bad thing.Things that you always hated when they happend, bad memories, as much pain as they caused you in the past , you may not know it but  they influence  your future in ways you are not aware about. In a good way.And if you haven't had experienced those bad things, many of the good things from the present would've never came into your life.

Bad things in my life(in the past) wich lead to good ones(in the present):

 I never understood why, but girls  never seemed to like me....So, even since i was 5-6 years old, I couldn't find a girl to be my friend, so I had to play with boys....I guess  I became a little bit of a tom-boy....I  used to play with cars instead of dolls, I used to play football...Even when I grew up I still couldn't find a girl friend. My best friends were always guys. But as dissappointed as I was because of that...now I realise how much I actually achived  being around boys all the time.They always saw me as one of them ..as a...dude-girl...so they never hide themselves from me, they talk freely about anything around me.And that's how I ended  up knowing perfectly what's in a guy's mind, but also in his soul. I've learned how to "read" guys at first sight. And that helps me now in my relationships, that also makes me a better girlfriend because I can understand a man's nature better then other girls do.That makes me more understanding...

Another thing I used to hate is that until I was 8 years old  I've spent  most of the time living with my grandparents.I still hate my mom sometimes for that She made me feel unloved, unwanted, rejected...and I guess that's the reason why I'm still so scared of rejection in the present. But still, there are plenty of good things that came out from this bad one. I  was kind of a rebel because I didn't really had someone to take care of me("I had no daddy around when I was growing up, that's why I'm wild and crazy and I don't give a fuck":P). You know how grandparents are, they are busy with their own stuff ,so they can't really keep an eye on you all the time. And besides that, it's easier to trick them. So I had a lot of freedom at my disposal. I never cared about rules, I never feared the unknown side of the world, I was always taking risks, and then paying the consequences. And those things influenced the way I am today. That's the reason why, when the  world is turning right, I'm the one who's turning left. Because of that I was never afraid of changes and consequences. Because of that I've learned to manage on my own, to count on no one but me, to be strong without needing any support. Because of that I don't obey without asking why should I ?Because of that I am not affraid to walk on my own path, even if it's an unwalked path,dangerous,and hard one.Because of that I can do anything I want because I can adapt to any kind of emviroment

First year of highschool was like walking through hell...It was so bad that I don't even wanna talk about it. Just think, how bad can be somethings to make you stop going out. How bad can be something to make you spend all your free time at home..for a few years...You have no idea how bad it was. But you know what I've gained from that? I focused all my time on school...I've spend my free time reading..and that made me wiser..that turned me into a girl hungry for knowledge. That was the year when I started to write.That was the  year when I started to be interested in more deeper stuff. And if those bad things from that year would've never happened,now i would be 100% different. I would be a girl like any other.A girl interested only in fashion and  guys.

And the list with bad things wich lead me to good ones is so long that I could write many pages,But I hope I made my point witth these few examples.

What I was trying so say is that we shouldn't fear bad things, pain, mistakes, dark...because there's light hidden in  their darkness...because from a bad thing we achive a lot, things that lasts forever, instead from a good thing you achieve nothing, but a temporary satisfaction.

So fear not my friend, you'll see one day, maybe when you'll be older, that I was right...
You'll se the light...
And you'll understand that darkness is only the container and light is the essence
Light is just covered in darkness, so it might be hard for you to see it sometimes, but light is always there, and you can always find it if you want
So fear not



 © 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

I'm wondering....

(That's what I actually had in  my mind when I started the previous post)

Why those girls who live in a village are not at all skinny?
 
Let my explain how that question appeared in the first place...
The house I moved in -a few months ago- has a garden(actually 2) ...and me and my mom agreed that it would be a shame to leave it like that with herbs growing like in the amazonian forest...so we planned to plant some flowers and some vegetables( with the food you can find on the market these days....it's better to eat you own stuff-i mean, vegetables that grown in your own garden wich are 100% safe and natural)...

So..saying it's easy but when it actually comes the day of doing it...many things can stop the process...like my mother doesn't have the time to do everything by herself....I wasn't the type of girl who would've get her hands dirty by doing some gardening but...
1. I have so much free time 
2.I'm bored
3.gardening is a good way to burn calories
4. my mom can't do it alone
5.I'm such a nice girl lately and I like helping
6. I like it when the neighbours see me working and praise  me for beeing such a good and hard-working girl..so I decided to take the job( I mean taking care of my garden)

So today I did it...I did one of the hardest things: I colected the branches and stakes and put them on fire( and you might say what the hell is hard about doing that...well, amongst other things the worst part it was that I got myself stung in all those nasty spines ...)

But after 2 hours I was done...and here it comes what I wanted to say, what made me ask that question( the one thatIi wrote in the begining): after I did the job( it sound so funny saying "the job" like... who knows what  was I actually doing HeHe :))   )   I realised I was so sweaty.. like I would've been after two hours of running ( and trust me, I used to ran 2 hours so I know what it's like...) ...

So here comes my question: if I sweat so much in two hours it means I burn more then 500 calories...so a girl who does these kind of works daily( even more hours a day), she should lose a lot of weight and should be really skinny...but they are not...most of them are even the opposite

Probably because:
1.They work more but they also eat more( but how's that i don't understand 'cause when i work more i eat less)
                or
2.They don't actually work that much( as far as I  know, these days, girls who live in villages are even more emancipated then the city girls,so it's obvious why they don't work, they wanna behave like ladies )

But either way...It's a great feeling after working so hard...i felt like I've lost 5 kilos...maybe 1 kilo  week a will ...

So girls around the world, if you wanna lose weight, forget  about diet, just get your own garden, and put your ass to work

P.S.  I should've put a picture with me gardening...maybe next time :)




 © 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

From the city girl to the country girl

Luckily it's not for eternity :))...just a temporary stop:P

Many people don't know about me that at this time i'm living in a tiny village 5 minutes away from the city  i used to live in ...

I don't like to admit it, I don't like to  tell people that ,but I don't like either to lie them so here's the truth.I guess I'm embarrased to say that  I'm living in a village.I'm afraid that people will see me with different eyes,  behave like they are superior just beause they live in the city and I don't.But hey, I was born in the city, i lived there 20 years so, be aware of that when tempted to judge...But anyway, I don't know why am  i fucking care about that.

I mean, the people who realy know me, know me the way I am, and the fact that now I'm  living in a village, they don't see it as something i should be ashamed of, they actually say it's something I should be proud of because I'm able to fit anywhere, to adapt to any kind of enviroment(even my mom was amazed seeing how I manage, she said i'm learning fast how to do things and it looks like everything comes so naturaly for me to do you would be tempted to think that i've done these things many times before).

And i guess they are right, 'cause who would've ever thought that me, the girl who knew how to do nothing else but learning is able and will actually do hard  work, like taking care of a garden, cutting wood  and so on. I'm even cooking and that's something i said i never ever will no matter what...so i'm the perfect example that people can change if they really want it...

Again, what I've wrote is not what I had in my mind when I started  but whatever... :)
That is so like  me

P.S. Did you noticed the picture I've  put here?That's the priviledge of beeing a country girl...when the summer comes...I can take a picture like that of myself  and put it here instead...you'd like that, huh?



 © 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

Good things fall apart so that better things can fall together

I know...reading what I've wrote lately you would say OMG, this  girl is realy fucked up....I know, I've been told before I got some issues , I've been told I'm so Emo( no my friend, i gotta tell you I ain't that, not at all)

But guess what...I had my time for grief a couple of months and...It's kind of over...I'm feelin' better ...i smile, laugh, make jokes all the time...so...probably it means i moved on...

If my ex-boyfriend sees these words he will think "I moved on" means i totaly forgot about him

If my next-boyfriend( whoever he his :)   ) sees it he will not like it because he will think i still have feelings for my ex

Well, they are both wrong.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm in peace with myself, with my past.I accept what I've lost( of course I accept it 'cause I didn't really lost it, I chosed to give up on it because...some things were not right for me, not right at that time)

Like the title says-good things fall apart so that better things  can fall together(it's a quote) that's what always happens with me.When i lose something I'm a little sad ,of course, because I'm afraid i might have lost the best thing i've had, the best thing i could and would ever find... who wouldn't be...but after a  while I laugh...because i find something ten times better then what I've had...and I realise that if I hadn't lost that thing, I would never knew that a better one was waiting for me just around the corner...

So boys and girls, whenever you lose something or someone don't be sad for too long, opend you eyes, 'cause you lost it becuse it was just about the right time to get something better, hell yeahh, you deserve it...so don't wait for too long to take what's yours

Damn...I can't really say what I wanna say...when I started to write this post I had something else in my mind then what I've wrote...It was supposed to be about someone...A guy that I kind of like...but I'm sure he's gonna read it and I don't want him to know that I like him...even if he might know already, or will know...but jeezz...I've got such a bad habit to rush things, to get to involved to soon...and I don't wanna mess up things with him like I always do(now, while writing this i was laughing so much  that i choked with millk and ran out with my hand on my mouth, my mom thought i was sick so i was even more amused).Fuck!I forgot, what was I talking about?

Oh yes, about the guy i like but i don't want him to know that I  like him...because I'm scared...I usually dated dumb guys, but he's a smart one so(see...how the title is relevant here, i used to like and ran only into dumb guys, now i've met a smart one and i actually like him, see how good things fall apart so that better ones could fall together?)...It's a new thing for me...I'm not saying I'm going on a date with him, or be in a relationship with him...neither that I won't....firstly, i like him as a friend because we have a lot in common, and he's smart and funny and interesting , and...i don't know if he feels the same, but I kind of feel a little chemistry between us...

But whatever....

So..

Hey, "the boy that i like" :)) if you read this and you know i'm talking about about you...plizzzzzz, take a DEEP breath and don't freak out ....you might think that it's impossible to like you  'cause I've only known you for  a few days( i guess saying this is like giving  you a clue) but that's me.....i mean, i either like someone from the very first day i meet him either there are 99% chances I will never like him...so I'm being onest..I like you..so what?Is not like I'm gonna be you're stalker..I'm not gonna do anything bad or something to piss you off...I'm gonna pretend we are just friends...and what's gonna be...I'm ok with that whatever it will be...I'm definately not the persistent type...

So...I  guess I should end up this post...

The purpouse of it was to say that now I'm starting to be ok  the bad days are gone I'm stronger , wiser and the best thing of all I found the faith I've lost, I'm full of hope and I'm sure I'm gonna be all right

So indeed good things fall apart so that better thing can fall together

P.S.(for the guy i like and for whoever is gonna be my boyfriend or just my friend)

1.Don't forget the things i write here are pieces of my life..so this is kind of my diary...and a diary is supposed to be private , so if i gave you the privilege to read it, please don't judge what i write

2.You will notice i talk a lot about guys, my ex-boyfriends and so on...but just because i had many boyfriends it doesn't mean i did you know what with every  one of them, so...NO...let's be clear about that, i'm not  a whore :)

3.You will also definately notice my language and you'll see that the "fuck" word

is used probably in every post...but...you should know that in the real life i no not curse or use this kind of dirty language so you won't be embarrased with me when we go out, i'm very polite and mannered

4.I know that i seem to be the emo type, but again I'M NOT...so no...i won't kill myself, i don't do drugs ...

And the most important thing of all don't forget I'm kind of a writer so you can never be 100% sure that what  I write here is actually true(my life) .All these might as well be just pieces of the novel I'm writing :)




 © 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved