Identity lost

Sometimes you have everything you want. You're with  the one you love, everthing's right so you should be happy. And you are. For a while. Because soon you feel like something is wrong. You feel sad. Maybe even depressed. You become unhappy and you have no idea why. I mean, nothing has changed in your life but your mood has.

 Why, why, why, you ask yourself  and cry every day .If you know what makes you unhappy, you can at least try to change it. But if you don't know the reason behind your mood there's nothing you can do about it. And you feel lost.
Well...I was there, or should I say I'm in the same situation. right now. It took me some time to  see where the problem was.
And it's actually a very common issue for couples. But most of them never realise what a huge mistake they're making.
You know why, especially women become unhappy in their relationship? Because they lose their identity.
Well, it's something you don't even realise when it's happening. You become a prisoner of love. It's great when two become one. It's magic. But it can also be hell for the one who give up on his/her identity to becom like the other.(like eating the same food as your mate  even though you don't like it, listening the same music, watching the same kind of movies, having the same hobbies...what the hell, aree you trying to become a copy of him or what? It's a big mistake to think that lovers should have everything in common, or do everything together).
Some women  do it voluntary or because they have no choice. Some,like me,  tend to lose control on their identity around people.
Why? Because we adapt. It's not a matter of choice. It's something that happens naturally and without our will. We just adapt ourselves to the one we're with. We don't realise that sometimes this is a bad thing.
Just think about it. How much you've changed since you're with your partner. Moving with him you change even more. How many things wich were habits for you, you stopped doing?
I'm in the same situation. I was afraid in the begining, doubting my feelings or blaming him for my lack of happiness in the last few days. But one day, suddenly I discovered that it's all about me. My fault. Or my duty to do something about it. I realised I'm unhappy just because I've changed to much, changed all my priorities, leaving on the last place all the things I like, that makes me who I am.  So I'm not myself anymore. How can I be  happy in this situation? And why should I blame him or our realationship for this? He never asked me to change, to give up on something. So I'm unhappy and it's my fault. I'm guilty because I forgot who I am. I stoped doing the things that defines me.

How many of you did the same thing? I'm talking about women especially because they're more tempted to change and forget their needs and pleasures. And they wonder why they're not happy anymore. They put the blame on  their man, accusing him that he does nothing for them.
I wonder, when are we going to realise that happiness is not something that other scan offer us. We make it or not.

It happens in relationships but also in life in general.  When we become unhappy and find no reason, we should start questioning our identity because there's a great chance that we might have lost it. Not being who we are we are not satisfied so we are unhappy.

What can you do about it?
Find those things that you like, enjoy doing, that makes you happy, that shapes who you are. And then start doing them. And you'll  become happier with each day.  It's not so hard to be happy. Just be who you are, do the things you like, keep your identity no matter where or with whom you are.
Small things like writing, reading, walking, having healthy habits, socialising - where those that made me happy. Once I gave up on them I also become unhappy.
There's an obvious conclusion here. That happiness is all about not losing your identity, about being who you really are.

© 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

0 comentarii:

Trimiteți un comentariu