But even tough I was sad most of the time, unhappy, I still hoped that the day when I'll be happy will come. I never lost my faith.But I didn't thought anymore about happpiness.
After I while I started to feel happy, but it was a rare thing, maybe once a year. And strange, my happiness was always related to love. But the biggest dissapointment was the fact that happiness never lasted more then one day. So the first conclusion was that happiness lasts only one day.
Then I felt it strange to last for so little time. It made me think that maybe that happiness or happiness in general was nothing but an illusion. Not real happiness, but more like an adrenaline rush, wich is so easy to confuse with happiness.
I thought that maybe happiness is like a roller coaster. You do something new, exciting, wich makes your blood run trough you veins as if it's a car race between you blood cells. And you're happy because of the adrenaline. Burt after a while , what was so great before, became bad, so bad that makes you sick. That's how you feel in roller coasters, don't you? It's the same thing with happiness. First day is always great, but then it makes you wanna leave, thinking what the hell did I got into? Why can't I feel like the first day?
Well..probably that one day lasting happiness was indeed othing more then a cheap illusion, because you didn't knew the bad side of the thing or person that made you happy.
Lately I was happy more and more, and it lasted every time more then just on day. Maybe I've waited enough, I've been through many things so now I finally deserve happiness. Maybe I had to wait for so long, to go through all kinds of experiences in order to deserve it. If my past had been different , If I had this opportunity, met him soner, I would've passed by it and never see it. I wasn't ready before. I didn't even knew what makes me happy. And more important, until now I wasn't willing to really work to be happy, to keep my happiness. If you don't hold on your happiness it won'
t hold on to you.
So...I was happy, happier then I ever been just because of thinking about it, about our future, our plans. So happy I was that my stomach hurt. So happy that I felt like dancing every time I was thinking about you. I felt like my happiness just got on a bus and it was on his way to me. So happy I was that I didn't want to sleep just to be sure I won't miss my happiness.
How would you feel when happiness knocked on your door? When you saw it in the same room with you?
Well, I know how it's like, but it was so overwhelming that I can't describe it in words.
My eyes were sparkling because of this happiness. So it's true the eyes are the mirror of a man's soul.
I felt so...as if I died and got in Heaven.
I felt just like Faust, I wanted to say something like :" moment, please stop" . I wihed that moment would've last an eternity. And again, for the second time in my life, I was so happy that I've started to cry.
That's real happines I say, when you're so happy you start crying because you just can't belive it's real, you got it.
Some things are too good to be true, but some are true no matter how hard it might be to believe it. You may think it's just a beautiful dream you'll wake up from one day, You may think it's too good for you. It may seem unreal, impossible. But that doesn't make it less worthy or less true. If happiness came to you, it's yours, take it, for some reasons, you deserve it. But don't forget to work your ass to keep it. Not many are so lucky to find it.
Happiness is a rare good thing. And good things only come to those who waited enough. To those that will be able to appreciate it for it's inner values, not the material ones.
Happiness is when you want many things , but what you have now it's enough for you to be satisfied, to be happy.
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