They're not aware of what they're doing to you

People hurt people.
Nothing new, right?
Let's say it's something that happens, something we're used with. Life is sweet but also bitter. Ain't no fresh news.
But you know what I find really sad? When people you love, that might love you hurt your feelings without even knowing it. It happens once-you ignore it, it happens twice-you tell  them you don't like how they treat you.  Wish the third time they'll know and stop hurting you.  They still don't. But you still hope they will act different one day. Is this an expectation? No, I belive it's you're right to ask for some things. One day you get sick of asking. It's like they don't give you what you need because they think it's unimportant.

Like my mother did. Left me with my grandparents when I was younger, saying it was better for me there at that time. She only wanted the best for me,I know that and can't blame her. But still...that hurt me. Felt rejected. As if she didn't love me. As if I were a bad girl, did something wrong that  made me unworthy of her affection.

Still feel like that. I still feel rejected when people are too busy or too tired for me. When the don't have time for me. Or should I say they won't make time for me? It reminds me of those childhood days.

Wish I wasn't so vulnerable in front of rejection...wish small things wouldn't hurt me that much.
I got rid of my old low self-esteem, I know I'm worthy enough, but I'm still affected by rejection.

You wonder what rejection...well...when you want to be huged, kissed or something like that by the people you love and they push you away from stupid reasons like ..they're tired/ else can you feel if not rejected.  You wonder if they stopped loving you, if you did  something wrong....but you never find out the answer. I mean...seriously, is it so hard do give affection 10-15 minutes? To give 15 minutes of your time to the one you say you love? You're not wasting so much time and there's no real effort. I mean...jeez, is it that hard to kiss, hug, touch someone? Seriously, it's a thing that normally gives you pleasure as well. Or at least, that's how it's supposed to be. If it's not, then....there might be a problem.

I remember what my mom told me once. She was young, let's say in love with my dad, they were a fresh couple so she wanted attention, affection, the same things I want, the same things any woman crave for. You know what he did? He was always tired or busy. Why? No specific reason. Just because he was a man. And man are allowed to refuse a woman's need. Woman on the other hand are supposed to be always willing for anything they want. But that's how my mom got cold. That's how the roles changed. One day he had those needs of affection. But she was sick of waiting, so it was her time to refuse.

Well...I don't's hard to say what you want/need. It's hard to make  a man understand your needs and satisfy them. But I don't think it's impossible. All I know is the place where I don't wanna end up.
You see..that's a big issue. That's the main reason why woman cheat. But I don't wanna be like them. What's the point? I don't wanna satisfy my affection/attention need with someone else. It would only lead to...more issues. I rather be hurt now, be patient even though it's hard and I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes. But I'm hopefull it's gonna worth.  Great things never come easily. You can't get what you want unless you ask for it.  And ou can't get it just like that, you gotta wait for the others to be able to offer what you need.

I mean..if me, the understanding one is not able to make things work...then it means love is a bullshit and so is monogamy.

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3 comentarii:

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