Time for answers,choices.Really?

 You had time enough for thinking,what did you decide?some will ask me.
Yes I know I had plenty of that, but...answers don't come just like that, when I want them to...There's a right time for everything, so maybe it's not the right time for me to make such a long term choice.So I won't be able to answer when people will ask what I wanna do with my life.They will be disappointed of me, saying I've wasted so many months doing nothing, saying I'm screwing my life.Yeahh, whatever.Just because they can't see any improvements on the outside, it doesn't mean nothing changed.Or maybe I didn't actually changed in any way.But at least now I know I can change if I really want to or need to.At least, having all this time-out just with myself, isolated from everyone, from any kind of influence, I managed to know myself better.So here are the things I've learned these months:

Firstly I should say I've learned that It's imposible for one to live his entire life doing what others want, make them happy, proud.Selfishness in this case is a good thing.One should make his happiness a priority even if that means to disappoint otheres.We aought to live our  lives chasing our own dreams, not others.

I've learned that most of the problems of today have their origins in the past, in childhood.

I've learned that I am able to do things I never thought I will.

I've learned that losing your hope is not the end.Every thing that you lose can be found again.So is hope.

I've learned that I run away from happiness because it scares me.I'm afraid that I will get it and then, when I get used to it, I will lose it.I want everything or nothing.I don't wanna have something if I know I might lose it.I reject thing before losing them.

I am enable to accept defeat,

I forgot how it's like to miss someone.I am not able to miss someone.And it's not my fault for that.It's just because when I wanted to have people beside me, I had no one, I was alone, rejected.And that was so painfull that my heart never allowed me again to miss someone.That' why now I'm accused of being so cold, detached, not caring about people, about losing them.

I've learned that I was wrong when I always considered myself a victim.Many times, involuntary I was the "bad guy".I might have hurt people more then they've hurt me.But I never meant to.

I've learned that no one is borne bad.People become bad/mean because of the life they had, people they met.Bad people are just angry people.Angry because of those many times when they  got hurt.Being bad is just a defence mechanism.So don't judge people just because they seem to be bad ones.Try to help them.They need someone to show them their good parts.

I've learned that people are not meant to be solitary.They need company.

I've learned that freedom is something we don't need.Is just an illusion.That it's not worth the price.That we don't really need it.

I've learned that people can change but it takes a huge effort.

I've learned that some things are not worth fighting for.

I've learned that getting what you want is not the hardest thing.Keeping that thing is much more harder.

I know now how important it is to be patient.Good things come to those who are able to wait.

I've learned that some people love you more then you can imagine.But they can't tell you, they don't want to, or they don't know how to.

I've learned that life is not hazard.Every little thing has a meaning.Every small event can teach you a lesson.But most of the people can't see the meaning of things.

I've learned that the more you think about life the more unhappy you become.Life should be lived  more, and less thought about.

I know  that most of the things are replaceable..

And many other things I can't remember now....

So, do you still think all these months were wasted in vain?

“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.”
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”


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