What you see is not what I am

Sometimes It seems I'm a liar.But am I?No, I don't think so.My only fault is that I can't be what I am.I'm wick.I waste my life most of the time.It's like I'm trapped in a body that's not mine.I'm filled with emotions that don't belong in me.I'm in a trap.How can I escape.It's a dark and twisted labirynth.How did I end up here?How can I find my way out?When?.There are many types of wall, bars that keep people locked up.The walls of my prison are different.They are made of irrational fear, guilt,anger, frustration, low selfesteem,lack of trust....

I wish I can find a way to get rid of all these things that makes me what I'm not.It' such a heavy burden.I wish I was stronger.It's a shame I waste all the things I was gifted with.

I blamed people for asking to much from me.Maybe they are right.They just want what's best from.They just want me to be happy.They know I can be better then this.So, if there's someone to be blamed for all the shit in my life, sorry honey, that's me.( i love this word "honey" "hon", my army guy calls me like that-when I'm not runing away from him). I wish I'd be all the things I can be.I wish I could see myself the way others do.I wish I could love me at lest half the way they love me.Trust myself the way they trust me.Belive in myself the way they belive in me.I just wish I could see myself through their eyes.

Sometimes I feel like some of them are really seeing inside me, see the real me, see what I can be.But I'm always dumb, push them away, reject their help.

Anyway...I just wish I could be 100% myself.No mask, no secrets,no more hiding or running...Do I ask too much?


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