Heels singing LONELINESS in a dark cold night

From diary...
I must be really brave. It was already dark,  late in the night, but I had the guts to walk on streets. Almost no one except me was out at this time. At least no woman's face I saw. Just a bunch of weird or drunk men. The  city seems really creepy after dark, I mean, it's full of students but you see none. Quiet. Just like you see in those horror movies, where everybody is already dead or gone.

 Coming from hairdresser, I packed a few things and went on my way to my brother's flat. Dressed up really pretty, hair done by a stylist, some makeup, you'd think I was ready for a night out. But no....it was all for a lonely night.. Shame on me!!! Or should I rather say shame on them? From so many guys I know, friends, best friends, sort of current or ex boyfriend/s ( yeah, I know it souns like wtf....but how can I call them, when they all have the demands of a boyfriend but none acts like one) not a single one was available tonight.....somehow they all disappeared( that's what I hate the most, when one is gone, all do the same things leaving me alone and sad, when one is trying to reach me, they all suddenly want my company). None bothered to give me a call at least to say "hey, how are you? sorry I can't see you/talk more tonight, but I'm busy". Not even a text message. But if one  day I'd ditch one of these guys and tell him I'm going out with a friend, he would ask me angry: "What?How can you do that, I thought we had something, that we care about each other and have something seriouis here.' .Really?I'd ask. Ignoring is not something that people who care do. But ...whatever...I don't know why the hell do I care. I had plenty  jerks in my life, I'm used with this kind of behaviour. Maybe   calling them jerks because of this it's too much. Maybe it's just typical for men. Maybe it's only my fault, that I lay here in bed  waiting for any of them, thinking about them, instead of going out , having fun...If only they appreciate I'm such a faithfull girlfiend/friend...

Anyway....forget about guys..let's get back to our sheeps..
I was writing about me walking alone on streets this late.
A really funny image. An angel  blondie with scared big brown eyes carring a huge and heavy bag ...And walking so slowly, looking at the view, as if it was just a walk through   the park.

Many would say I'm irresponsable for that. They will say anything could've happened to me because it was late, dark and no one around and I was looking as a very good prade.
When asked something like that, I always tell them: :" It's not what you think......it's just that...I ain't scared at all.Why should I be? After all the shit I've been through all these years, nothing is scarry enough for me. No matter what happens, it won't be for the first time. I'm already used with these things,  I accept them and wait them to pass, to end... Funnier then that( tough it's more like tragic)  I'm more able to handle bad things, pain, then good ones, happiness.

That's why I'm not scared.

Well...in the end, I got home safe and now I'm gonna sleep. What else can a good girl do at this hour?Falling asleep with him in my  thoughts and  asking myself why, why is it an empty place in my bed?Wish he was here to fill it...

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