Why now? I don't know, do I really need a reason for that? It's just because I want so, because I feel ready. for doing it, strong enough not only to hold on, but also to defeat them.
Maybe....there are times when you can run, you can hide, times when it doesn't matter what you lose. But it comes a day when fighting is the only option you have. And that day has come for me.
I don't wanna do this time what I used to, I don't wanna sabotage myself anymore and put walls between me and my happiness. Do you know what I was afraid of? I was afraid that being more then I already am, achieving more then I already own, will make me superficial, addicted, one of the sheeps following the flock, mean, selfish, a sinner. But mostly I was afraid of vanity.
But I don't wanna let my demons take decisions in my place, won't let my fears interfere and make me lose or give up on the things I need, want. I definately don't wanna lose what I haave now, what I'm about to get. The things I had in the past were meaningless, so it's better I didn't stick to them. What I have now it's the first thing I'm willing to fight to get it and to keep it, because I'm aware how much it matters to me, how much I need it.
So, that's the first and main reason why I must take the control and overcome my fears.
The second reason: the people around me. You see, a few months ago I was angry because people overestimated me. I felt as if they were forcing me to rise to their expectations. But now I see it's a good thing, it's motivational, encouraging. It means nothing but the fact that they trust me, believe in my potential, And that's something I should be thankful for. Not everyone is surrounded by people like these.So I have to fight to prove them they were right about me, to deserve the trust they put in me.
More then that, lately I've noticed how many people take me as an example, a model worthy enough to follow, so I have the obligation to be stronger, wiser, better in every way. Why? Because when you're a model for others, the better you are, the better they will be. So I kind of have the responsability for what others will become.
Many are the reasons why I must conquer my demons. But not the reasons matter, what matters most is that now it's the right time to do it. And I'm so willing and so able to do it right this time, to fight untill I win, until I get the full control over my thoughts, feelings, actions.
How will I do it? I don't really know.
Sometimes you just have to start the journey and the right path reveals to you by itself.
Will you walk with me?
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