love them, bad guys

     I had a dream last night.It was about one of my ex-boyfriends....Actually about my first boyfriend (and that's a really strange thing because I never think about him, I always said that even if he was my first boyfriend I didn't really care about him...I mean..I was 14 back then, now I'm 20...He's supposed to be ancient history...but..whatever, I'll talk about this subject another time)

What I wanna say is that dreaming about him made me think about bad guys.Yes, if you wonder he was a bad guy.If I think about it for a second I realize most of the guys I liked were famous for being bad boys.So, probablly that means  I have a thing for bad guys.Probably.I admit it.But maybe you wonder what makes a girl(what makes me) fall for a...jerk( but you might consider it that a bad guy is noy always a jerk)

Actually there are many types of bad guys.The type I'm talking about are those guys that do a lot of stupid things ...mostly for fun, and for that people tag them as being bad.And I'm also talking about guys that play a lot with girls and never get serious about any....

The main reason why I like bad one is because...despite of their bad character, they treat me better then I would've ever imagined...I mean no matter what they did in the past, no matter how they treated other girls, no matter how they behave with other, they never said to me bad,dirty word, they never hit me...they were so respectful that i was actually shocked...And they makes me feel special when I know I'm the only one they are nice with, I'm the one they trust enought to be themselves around me

Why are they so nice to me when they are actually supposed to be bad? Maybe it's because I was always the good girl type.Everytime I asked a guy about this he said something like:"Seriously?Look at you, how could anyone be mean with you, hit you, hurt you on purpouse?you're like an angel" Well, thank you guys for saying that.It's helpful for my self-esteem

Well I agree with that....I mean, in my opinion you get what you deserve... if a guy doesn't treat you right it's your fault.

I don't think bad guys were born bad...I think a guy becomes bad because he was hurt a lot in the past.And the bad attitude it's just a shield to protect him for being hurt again.So every bad guy is actually a good one deep inside.He just needs the right girl, with whom he can let his guard down, to whom he can open up... a girl that won't judge him and will see not the bad, but the good in him.

People always dissaproved me every time i had a crush on a bad guy.They said it wasn't good enough for me, i deserve  more blah blah blah....But I had my reasons Behind their "bad" mask i always saw a sparkle of kindness...

There are many things to apreciate about a bad guy, many things you can learn from him.

First,I think they are  really strong persons mentally. The've been through a lot and they managed somehow to survive.

Then, I admire them for their courage.They are not afraid to be themselves,to say what they think, to do whatever they like.

Another thing about bad guys is that a girl feels more protected with them, because nothing scares them, so they would fight for her, they won't allow anyone to treat her bad

Bad guys are interesting, they do interesting things. They have strayed from the straight-and-narrow and have developed their own code of conduct. .

Bad guys are confident and self assured. 

Plus bad guys are a challenge. We all love a challenge, and women may love a challenge even more than the boys. If something is a challenge, the end results must surely be worthwhile, right? 

But... Hey, guys!Don't get me wrong. You don't have to be a bad boy to get girls. You just have to bring bad boy attitude. The four ways to do this are: 

• Make her feel safe 

• Play on her wild side 

 Being successful with babes takes the kind of attitude that isn't afraid of risks. If you're always concerned about being politically correct, perfectly polite, and the kind of gentleman she'd introduce to her folks, you'll see girls slip through your fingers time and time again. Be a little outrageous. Flirt with her shamelessly. Let her know that you find her sexually attractive. Drop hints that will intrigue her. Say something risqu , and grin when her mouth drops. They may act shocked, even offended, but believe me: they LOVE it when you tease.

• Don't let anyone walk over you 

• Develop atittude 

  You can read more about that here:

http://www.topdatingtips.com/bad-guys.htm 

Good girls are more likely to fall for bad guys(just like bad guys fall for good girls.) :

"A `good girl' is a woman who has followed the rules all of her life; she's been taught to go along with the status quo of what everyone else thinks she should do, be and want," says Dr. Stovall. "These women have not had an opportunity to be who they are, so they are attracted to the men who rebel against the rules, and they live vicariously through them." women who have spent their entire lives pleasing others are more likely to be attracted to "bad guys."

"Being a `good girl' means you've had to forego a lot of your natural instincts, all in the interest of being good," says Dr. Paster. "Therefore, [with a `bad boy'] you can get the pleasure and excitement with someone who hasn't foregone his instincts, all while [maintaining] your image of being good."

Read more  here:

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1077/is_6_55/ai_61619021/

© 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

I see a bright future for us

You know I wrote these days about natural beauty.Well, my mom bought me a magazine and guess what I saw there?A few guys joining the campaign started by Nivea, a campain promoting natural beauty.It's a great thing to see that men care about women that much, that men actually prefer us with no make-up.Let's face it girls, most of us actually use all those chemicals (called make-up) for guys...because we want to be perfect like those girls from the commercials

.Guess what?Guys don't even want a perfect girl.Flaws actually make you unique, they can even be cute sometimes.Belive me, I'm talking from experience....it's not a little part of your body that matters, the important thing is the general image.So what if you have a big nose?maybe you have big boobs as well and that's a plus for you....what if your boobs are too small?maybe your face is so cute that guys don't even care about anything else.Here are 2 links if you wanna read what  Bobby Voicu,Adrian Ciubotaru and Dragos Bucurenci say about natural beauty

http://www.bobbyvoicu.ro/manifest-pentru-frumusetea-aproape-naturala.html

http://bucurenci.ro/2010/03/manifest-pentru-frumusetea-naturala/ 

http://www.adrianciubotaru.ro/manifest-pentru-frumuse%C8%9Bea-naturala/


Besides that...I'm sure everyone knows about the scandals with anorexic girls...designers, tv and all showing us all those skinny girls and saying that's how a girl should look like ,did a lot of harm, put many young girls into hospitals because of starving.....But if you know the latest knews...people are changing these standards, designers forbid anorexic girls from modelling, in magazines you can see know many girls with curves...

The world is actually changing in a better way...

Mybe you'll say: "No, you're wrong! what about wars, natural disasters?what about 2012? "

Let's start with the beginning:11 september attak , Irak, Chile, Haiti, economic crisis, unemployment, diseases...yes, all of these are bad things.But I'm hopeful and I'm very sure that all this pain is not in vain.Like I always say from a "thiny" bad thing it comes out a huge good thing.We needed the worst, so that we learn how to get the best.All these events make people opend their eyes, open their hearths, help each other, understand better our needs...

You can say what you want but I already see the change, I feel it in my bones, in  the air I breathe
I have no more doubts
I used to think there's no future for us, that we are all doomed.But NOOOO!
I see HOPE
I see a bright future

And the year 2012 when it's supposed to be the end of the world...well, we are scared but why don't we realise the "the end of the worls" has so many meanings....

Let me give you an example: when your pain(when you're wounded) ends (because you heal) is that a bad thing?Would you like to stop the healing because you're afraid of the word"end"?

When you're in a bad relationship that causes you a lot of pain/trouble(maybe a husband who beats you) and you decide to end it, is that a bad thing?just because it's an end?and after that end you're going to be happy with someone else, is that still a bad thing?

Every end is nothing else but a new begining.....I don't see an end as bad thing, as something I should be afraid of....Hell no, I am actually grateful  for any "end", I'm happy when something end, even if a good thing comes to an end, because I know there's a better thing waiting for me just around the corner...An end means you get a second/thirth./fourth...chance..it means you can start a new life, it's your rebirth...

So..No! The year2012 is not what you think...we ain't gonna die..but it will die a huge piece of our darkness, and that hole that remains there,we are going to fill it with more light...more love...

2012 it will be "the end" of a dark age...and the birth of a  "golden age"

And the change it will be made inside  of each human being.

We are smart, we are strong, we are good, so we won't fail...we can turn this world into a better one 
AND WE WILL.

P.S.

You might say movies are a crappy unreal thing....but there's some truth between the lines.I just saw yesterday a scene where an archangel,Gabriel told his brother Lucifer that he's not on Lucifer's side, neither on the other angels's side.He's with the humans.for the reason that  humans are better then angels, because they try to change, they try to be better.

I'm not saying now that we really are better then angels.I haven't seen one yet face to face so that I could make a comparison.But I know how much we try to change, how hard it is for us to fight with our dark sides, and still, we never give up.And every time we fail, we sin, we feel sorry about that.And maybe that's why God loves us, because we always try to please him, or even if we are not such great belivers in the religious stuff, we stilll try to be good.


Have faith!



 © 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

My hate list

1.Cell phones and those who keep calling me even if I told them a thousand times not to...wanna be in touch with me, text me, but don't call, it's my right to dislike it and you should respect that if you wanna be a part of my life

2.meat and people that try to force me to eat it.Did I ever forced anyone to eat soy just because i like it?No, I don't think so...So...respect my food choices..

3.shopping...waste of time...waste of money...i rather buy things only when I really need them

4.jeans...I never wear them...

5.liars and lies...I always tell people I rather have them telling me an ugly and painful truth, then a pretty lie

6.people that stop talking to me when they realise I'm not as dumb as they thought

7.people that judge others

8.people that act like i own them something and i must obey, when actually it's the opposite,

9.those who think without them I would be miserable

10.those who tell me when I'm sad that everything will be ok .Yes you dumb ass, of course I know one day It'll be ok, but what am I going to do until that day?

11.those who think that only because I look pretty much ok, I am actually ok

12.those who treat me like a robot and think I can do anything, I'm unbreakable..and I can be fixed until the limit time is reached

13.those who think that love is enough to make a relationship work

14.those who put pressure on me to do something

15.those who dosn't understand that a NO is a NO

16. on a date, going to have some drinks in a bar...no way...i rather go just for a walk...or..if with my boyfriend, I rather spend more time at home

17.sea's waves ...I'm a little scared of them, even if I know how to swim

18.people that ask me things that are too private

19.buses..i rather travel with a train

20.sweat...smelly sweat in a crowded bus in a hot summer day

21.people taking decisions related to me, without my approval

22.those who say they know what's best for me

23.those who say they will help me because they care about me, but they actually do nothing, they only keep repeating that they will..

24.promises...people usually don't keep their promisses so I never trust them when they make one, I was too many times dissappointed

25.married guys...trying to have a relationship with me, forgeting to mention they have a wife

26.guys who think they can buy me with money...no, sorry, not that Mercedes, neither that LEXUS can impress me ...

27.People that criticise a lot. Like my brother.Mind your one bussiness!

28.guys that doesn't treat me right when they have me, they leave me or lose me and then, when they realise they can't get a beeter one, they want me back saying how much I mean to them, how sorry they are for not knowing what a great girl I am...sorry but when you ditched me..you can't get me back...


© 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

The Change already started

You know I wrote one of these days what's my attitude beside fake beauty.. Not only that the result it's a fake thing, but in months/years, the things we now do in order to look better, they will ruin not only our beauty but also our health.
One of the most affected areas of the body is the head.
Today I'll talk about hair.
Few girls leave their hair the way it is naturally...
I don't wanna be a hypocrite and criticize the things others do when actually I do them as well.
That's why, as harmful as it is(dyeing your hair) I will be impartial about it.So if you can't get rid of this addiction(and trust me, it is an addiction ) at least do it as rarely as you can(i used to do it every month, now I do it once every three months)
But dyeing is not the only bad thing wich has the potential to damage your hair.
Us, girls, also use a blow dryer, a curling  iron and a straightening iron..so much heat for our poor hair...
Not easily of course, but in a few months i succeded in giving up on these harmful tools.
And If I can do it, everyone can ...

In the end lets be clear about a few things:

Just because I am more for the natural beauty, it doesn't mean I criticise the girls who prefer "improvements"
Just because I try to be as natural as I can it doesn't mean I will be 100% natural.To be onest, unfortunately, in this world nothing is natural 100%, not anymore

If something really makes you feel better, you shouldn't necessary give up on it just because it's a bad thing.I mean  for me wearing foundation is a must...not because i have a bad skin and wanna cover it(i don't always have a bad skin,or something to  hide)I do it because it's like a mask(an invisible one), like when i use it I am more confident.I don't use it to hide from others, but firstly to hide from  myself

What matters the most is for you to try to make a change, to chose from all the bad things the less harmful one.

And if you do a  damaging thing on one side, try to heal something on the other side.
 Keep the balance


© 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

Earth's future is in our hands.What's it gonna be?

Did you knew today was the Earth Day?
And if you knew, did you do anyhting about  it?
You might think it's hard to do anything, you might say it doesn't matter what you do, because you can't save the world, stop the pollution and so on, just by yourself...
Well, you should know you're totaly  wrong about that.A small thing that you do, insignificant at first view, can help a lot "saving the world"  and reducing thousands of pounds of greenhouse gas emission.
Trust me it's not hard at all
There are many things you can do, but let me tell you what I do for the enviroment:

1.Replacing my incandescent light bulb with a compact fluorescent light bulb...that's something anyone can  do..

 2.Switch to Reusable Shopping Bags...I've got a greate idea about that..I think I might start  making a few bags ,nice ones, and give them to friends and family so they  I can help them help Earth.

3.Use less heat(when i sleep at night  and when I'm away).Me and my  mom sometimes argued about that, because my room is sometimes very cold, and she says I might get sick....but It's my choice...If I can  turn off the heat for a few hours every day why not?If the world is not going to change so fast that I will be still alive that day...why not make it a better place for my kids.... and grandchildren

4.Eat less meat and more veggies.It might sound strange but this really helps the enviroment.I'll spare you of the details because that's not so important.What  matters is what you actually do about it.I almost never eat meat.And it's not a matter of religion, it's not like I have an allergie or anything else.It's just a matter of choice.

5.Use less hot water.I actually hate hot water.Lately....and not only that using warm water or cold water -instead of hot water- is helpful for the enviroment, but also it's good for you skin/health(blood circultation)

6.Use the "OFF" switch button...
I used to leave my laptop on, all the time, day and night, even if  I wasn't going to use it....but now I don't ...I usually turn it on just when I have something to do,usually in the night.
More then that, I used to let my TV on all the time, even if i was almost never watching....Now I rarely turn it on.

7.Don't let the water running while you brush your teeth.I don't

 8.Instead of watching  TV and doing things that consume energy , spend time reading, writing, drawing, telling stories....I read a lot, draw , and sew(by hand)

9.I do my laundry by hand...and I didn't even knew that helps saving the Earth...I don't even know why I do it, I think it's just a nice feeling when you wash your clothes with your own hands

 10.Move to the country.
 .I did it and it's awsome.It's so nice and quiet, no more traffic noise, drunk people yelling outside...fresh air...trees,hills,woods....I always prefered living at the country in a house and now my wish came true

  11.Collect rainwater for gardening use.My mom does that a lot

 12.It's funny , i found out that even stop using telephones is good for the enviroment....the reason why it's funny is that i actually hate phones, i don't use them for the pleasure of chatting, only when I realy have to, with my family

13.GET RID OF THE BED.Many leading chiropractors say that sleeping on the floor, with no mattress or cushion, is the best way to sleep.
Where I used to live in the city I didn't realy had a bed, just a mattress and I was sleeping better,Now that I'm using a bed I kind of have trouble sleeping so I'm seriously thinking about  finding a way to get rid of my bed.

14.Limit or eliminate your use of "disposable" items. I  do it.And it's a great feeling when you know eliminate disposable things

A few more things you can do:

I'm single but if you have a mate you can

1 SHARE YOUR SHOWERS

 I mean seriously, what's better then a shower with your girl/man for the sake of the Earth?

.2.Never throw spent batteries in the trash. They contain mercury, a hazardous substance that will leak into groundwater or be burned and released into the air. Don't go there. Either switch to rechargeable batteries or collect used batteries in a shoebox out in the garage, clearly marked. Then take them to a recycling facility once or twice a year. 

3.Styrofoam Lasts a Really, Really, REALLY long time - Try 500 years. Or more. Think about millions of burger boxes, packing peanuts, and take-out containers, sitting in landfills, not biodegrading. Then buy eggs in cardboard, rather than styrofoam, containers.

Here's a link to a place where you can find more tips about what you can do for our Mother Earth
http://www.context.org/ICLIB/IC22/Guide.htm



© 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

Selling Illusions

Aren't you tired of fake/unreal things?

Because   I am...I really am.And I'm a girl.But you guys,how can you stand a fake girl next to you???

What am I talking about?You probably guessed...I'm talking about the latest trends, like ...fake nails, fake hair, fake boobs, now we even got fake asses...(Don't you hate it guys when you girl doesn't let you touch her hair because you might make her extensions fall?when she doesn't want to wash the dishes because her fake nails might fall ?When she doesn't allow you to kiss her because you might ruin her make up?And the worst of all-when you hug her, and then you realise all of her make up remained on your t-shirt?)

Don't get me wrong...I'm not judging the girls....I'm judging the media that promotes this kind of an image like it's a good thing.

I used to be one of those "plastic" girls so I know how it's like...I know what makes a girl "adopting" that kind of look( trying to get more atention, become more...wanted, loved, searching for perfection)....and I know how hard it is to keep that image(tones of money invested in cosmetics, jeweleries, clothes....many hours of your life/daily trying to fix any imperfection)

But trust me, you can win over any addiction ...

I'm doing it...I'm not saying I'm completly over it but I do it one step at a time...I woke up a few months ago and realised I'm disgusted with my own image, too sophisticated cloths, too many jeweleries, too much make up, to many "artificial" improvements....I felt like a christmas tree...And i was so sick of all those things, I knew I needed to change...So I did it...at least 50% I'm changed...And I don't stop here...

I mean, seriously girls?Are we really that dumb?I'm sure we can find a way to look beautiful without  being "plastic".You know what they say...less is always more.And I really belive it now.

Let's not fall in their trap ...Let's not forget who we really are...Let's just be ourselves, let people know us the way we really are.And we'll be more apreciated for giving them the real  thing.
Let's stop selling illusions




 © 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

Neda (fragment)

Putea fii alta situatie acum,ne puteam iubi,puteam fii impreuna…putea fii totul frumos…dar am gresit ,si eu si ea,am gresit inca din prima zi in care ne-am intalnit,ea a gresit ca a acceptat orice,ca s-a lasat prea usor,ca nu mi-a fost fidela,si asta m-a facut sa imi fac o parere proasta despre ea,iar eu am gresit ca nu am vrut decat sa o folosesc,ca am facut-o prea mult sa astepte…am facut-o prea mult sa sufere,i-am spus prea multe lucruri care au durut-o…am omorat incetul cu incetul iubirea ce mi-o purta…am transformat-o in suferinta..

Astea sunt cuvinte spuse chiar de ea,ea cu gura ei mi-a spus ca nu ma poate iubi..de fapt ca ma mai iubeste putin dar nu vrea sa mai fie cu mine,nu ne putem vedea mai des,e mai bine sa incercam sa ne uitam caci daca ar ramane cu mine ar suferi toata viata,numai privindu-ma si-ar aminti tot raul pe care i l-am facut,ar trai un chin stiind ca traieste alaturi de omul care a facut-o cel mai mult sa sufere…asa ca e mai bine sa ramanem cu relatia in stadiul in care este,ca ea are pretentii acum si ca merita ceva mult mai bun.

Imi zicea cuvinte care ma dureau de data asta pe mine,ca eu nu mai am ce-i oferi,ca sunt doar o amintire acum pentru ea,amintirea unei nopti de vara,o fantasma care apare in fiecare an la aceiasi data…nu mai sunt real pentru ea…ca de fapt nu m-a iubit niciodata pe mine cu adevarat,a iubit imaginea mea,imaginea pe care si-a creat-o despre mine,ca la inceput ma vedea o fiinta perfecta,plina de calitati,ca vedea in mine barbatul visurilor ei,dar ca si-a dat seama treptat,pe masura ce ma cunostea mai bine ca nu sunt decat o iluzie..

Ma durea ce-mi zicea,parca fiecare cuvant al ei era o sulita infipta in inima…imi zicea ca sunt o multime de motive pentru care nu putem fii impreuna,ca totul e impotriva noastra ,intregul univers ,intrega omenire,toti vor sa ne desparta si zic ca nu ne potrivim ,prietenii mei zic ca ea nu ma merita,prietenii ei ca eu nu o merit,poate tocmai faptul ca ne potrivim atat de mult ne desparte,faptul ca suntem in unele privinte aproape identici…asa mi-a zis ea,ca si ea daca era in locul meu mai mult ca sigur ar fii procedat la fel…a spus ca aveam dreptate cand i-am spus ca noi doi nu ne suportam,ca nici macar ea nu se suporta. Asta era adevarul,eu nu ma suportam pe mine,dar nu o suportam nici pe ea,ea nu se suporta pe ea dar nu ma suporta nici pe mine.

Ne uram noi pe noi si ne uram reciproc.Uram faptul ca privindu-ne unul pe altul,fiecare se vedea pe el in celalat,ea zicea ca de cate ori ma priveste isi aduce aminte cum e ea,isi aduce aminte de tot ce-a facut si ca uraste ceea ce vede,vede fiinta cea mai ordinara de pe pamant,cea mai micinoasa,cea mai fatarnica si mai..ca nu erau cuvinte potrivite sa descrie tot ce simtea cand ma privea… Dar cu toate astea ne si iubeam..ciudat,cum poti avea doua sentimente opuse fata de o singura persoana in acelasi timp? Cum poti sa iubesti si sa si urasti pe cineva in acelasi timp?nu-mi pot da seama,la intrebarea asta nu pot gasi raspuns.

Mi-ar fi placut acum sa fiu psiholog,as fii inteles mai multe,as fii inteles-o pe ea,m-as fii inteles pe mine,as fii inteles viata…dar prea tarziu..unele lucruri nu se mai pot recupera,daca nu le faci la timpul lor nu le mai faci niciodata…uneori…e prea tarziu...

Si totusi poate ca avea dreptate cand spunea ca relatia noastra e asemanatoare in unele puncte cu cea dintre Stefan si Ileana din"Noaptea de Sanziene" de Mircea Eliade.Sper doar ca si sfarsitul va fi acelasi, ca desi despartiti acuma de o realitate atat de neinduratoare cu noi, in final ne vom reintalni . Voi fi acel Inger al mortii care o va conduce spre eternitate, spre acel taram mitic atemporal, aspatial, spre acea Asgartha pe care ea mereu o cauta..




 © 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

Azhel

Azhel(fragmente)
..........................
Nu tin minte exact unde eram, ce faceam, nu memorasem prea multe detalii.Cert e ca ma aflam intr-un bar. Ma asezasem pe un scaun, printere ceilalti, care erau cu totii barbati, dar cand am intors privirea in stanga…l-am vazut pe El. Nu El pe care il tot mentionez in scrierile mele. Acesta era un alt El, un al doilea. Si-l intalneam intr-un mod absolut bizar in visul meu. Cum era acest El? Cred ca nu e greu de inchipuit, avand in vedere apelativul pe care il folosesc atunci cand il mentionez, arata …de fapt seamana extrem de bine cu Celalalt. Intorcandu-si privirea spre mine dar fara sa ma piveasca in ochi… a fost mai mult decat suficient ca sa declanseze in mine toate acele sentimente pe care obisnuiam sa le am numai fata de Celalalt. .............................................
Si nu eram singura in camera, mai erau cu mine mama si el. Nu stiam inca numele lui, dar stiam sigur ca incepe cu A, si nu stiu de ce i-am ales ca nume-mi se parea cel mai potrivit-Azhel. Era numele care mi-a venit in minte in momentul in care m-am trezit din vis. Dupa cum am spus eram in camera toti trei, sau mai exact pe scari, eu stand in mijlocul lor. Nu stiu despre ce anume vorbea mama, ce-i povestea lui Azhel, dar banuiam ca i-a spus ceva despre sentimentele pe care le aveam eu fata de el. Deodata,a aparut mult mai aproape de mine privindu-ma in ochi, zambind si intrebandu-ma de ce nu i-am spus mai devreme .Din zambetul si din privirea lui, din tonul vocii sale am simtit ca incerca sa imi sugereze ceva, si anume faptul ca sentimentele imi erau impartasite.
..............................
In aceasta lupta simteam ca e si Azhel implicat dar nu stiam de partea cui lupta el. Si mai ales nu puteam intelege cum el, care e doar un personaj dintr-un vis, sa fie implicat in ceva ce are loc in realitatea noastra a oamenilor. Era ca si cum as fi asteptat ca baiatul acela dragut pe care l-am visat aseara, sa iasa din vis si sa vina sa ma apere in cazul in care avea sa mi se intample ceva rau. Era ceva practic imposibil si ma facea sa imi pun mereu o multime de intrebari care ramaneau mereu fara raspuns, facandu-ma sa ma indoiesc de tot ceea ce stiam deja. Mi-era din ce in ce mai greu sa disting granita dintre real si fantastic, si ma intrebam daca ceea ce se petrece acum nu cumva e mai mult decat un vis, daca nu cumva e real sau poate deveni la fel de real ca si mine
. .......................................... .

Nu mi-a fost deloc greu sa il recunosc, cu toate ca acum arata diferit. Dar privirea a fost cea care l-a dat de gol. Cat de mult poate face o privire…probabil ca nu degeaba se spune ca ochii sunt oglinda sufletului. Caci doar asa imi pot explica atractia nefireasca care apare uneori fata de o persoana care nu are absolut nimic de oferit. Ochii spun atat de multe, si pot face atatea schimbari in viata celui care ii priveste. Acum stiu de ce uneori intalnind persoane care aparent erau atat de perfecte, de frumoase la exterior, cu atat de multe de oferit in planul material, m-au lasat indiferenta. Cred ca nu poti iubi o persoana pentru ceea ce e, pentru ceea ce face sau zice, ci doar pentru ceea ce vezi in ochii ei. Si din acest motiv, o singura privire iti poate remodela tot universul, iti poate zdruncina din temelii tot ceea ce ai construit pana acum. Ce ti-e si cu dragostea asta, e tare greu sa o intelegi! Si poate ca nici nu trebuie, poate ca dragostea nu are o definitie, o explicatie…si poate ca a fost un intelept cel care intrebat ce este dragostea a raspuns: ”dragostea este”.
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Atunci cand a rostit numele Azazel, spunand ca el e cel mai mare dintre ingerii cazuti, inima mi-a stat in loc. Abia atunci am sesizat legatura dintre Azazel si Azhel al meu. Si totusi nu intelegeam mai mult de atat, de ce tocmai mie mi se intampla asta.
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-Si totusi de ce eu?

-Pentru ca tu ai credinta, o credinta ce depaseste orice limite, pentru ca tu esti suficient de puternica, pentru ca tu reprezinti speranta, de tine depinde in favoarea cui se inclina balanta. Tu esti ultimul pion ramas pe tabla de sah, e o lupta grea, dar trebuie sa faci tu ultima mutare, cea castigatoare. Crezi ca ei vor sa riste ca noi sa castigam? Pentru ei esti un obstacol ce trebuie inlaturat. De ce crezi ca a venit la tine chiar Azazel in persoana? Pentru ca daca nu stiai, el nu se arata niciodata, mereu trimite pe altii sa-i faca treaba. Dar tu esti importanta pentru ei si deasta a venit sa te inlature cel mai putrenic dintre ei, chiar liderul. Asta este, a fost intotdeauna telul ingerilor cazuti, sa ispiteasca oamenii, sa-i inlature de pe calea lor, sa-i impiedice de la a face lucruri marete…
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Dar cum? Cum sa scap de el?

-Sa scapi de el definitiv ma tem ca nu ai cum, pentru ca tu singura i-ai dat viata prin imaginatia ta, prin dorintele tale, ele iau dat forma. Cu ele se hraneste, cu sentimentele de adoratie chiar idolatrie sau supunere pe care tu le ai fata de el. Acum el e o parte din tine. E Azazel, dar forma lui e a ta, e facuta din tine, prin tine, pentru tine. E o parte din tine si nu poate disparea.

-Si atunci eu ce trebuie sa fac?

-Sa il accepti, sa accepti ceea ce simti pentru el, dar sa nu-l vrei, sa incepi sa il ignori. Devino oglinda lui, repeat-i gesturile, comportamentul, privirea. Fi oglinda lui si vei vedea rezultatele!

-Va pleca? Ma va lasa in pace?

-Nu. Ti-am mai spus, asta nu se poate. Daca el ar pleca ar insemna ca ei au abandonat lupta, au pierdut definitiv si-au fost izgoniti din lumea asta .Ei nu vor renunta, vor lupta pana in ultima clipa. Dar ascultandu-mi sfaturile ii vei slabi puterea, nu-i vei mai alimenta aparitia. Chiar daca nu va pleca de tot, iti va aparea mai rar si nu va mai avea atata influenta asupra ta.

-Da. Cred ca inteleg. Da imi va fi foarte greu, pentru ca eu uneori nu vreau ca el sa plece, pentru ca am impresia ca il iubesc…
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Doar imaginatia imi mai facea probleme. Trebuie sa admit faptul ca eu singura l-am adus pe Azhel(sau Azazel) in viata mea, prin imaginatia mea mult prea bogata. Se pare ca am avut dreptate atunci cand am spus ca tot ceea ce iti poti imagina exista cu adevarat. Noi suntem de fapt cei care cream realitatea prin gandurile si dorintele noastre. Asa ca ar trebui sa fim atenti ce ne dorim, in special eu, pentru ca dorintele devin realitate.

Of, imaginatia ! Pe ce cai intortocheate o sa ma mai poarte in viata asta?



 © 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

Spre viata

Cei care ma cunosc foarte bine stiu asta, altii nu.Dar ar trebui sa fie evidenta pasiunea mea pentru scris.Prima nuvela am scris-o in clasa a7a.Incepusem sa scriu o compunere pentru unul dintre colegi(avea nevoie de o nota mare la romana, dar nu se pricepea la asa ceva) si nu m-am mai putut opri...trebuia sa scriu doar o pagina...ajunsesem la 10 si tot nu ma puteam opri...Si asa a luat nastere prima mea nuvele(genul SF) intitulata Vanessa....

Apoi, mandra de “isprava” mea am continuat sa scriu in fiecare an cel putin una.Pana cand in liceu profesoara de romana m-a incurajat sa particip la concursul de creatie literara “Ion Chichere”Zis si facut...si chiar mai mult  de atat, doi ani consecutiv am castigat premiul 1, ceea ce mi-a dat si mai multa incredere in mine.In continuare postez un fragment din nuvela “Spre viata”, scrisa in 2006.

Spre viata(fragmente)

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Ai facut o alegere foarte buna!

-Nu inteleg, la ce va referiti? Am intrebat nedumerita.

-Cartea pe care ai ales-o, e o alegere foarte buna, ai inceput exact cu ceea ce trebuia, cu inceputul, vad ca nu esti asa grabita cum te consideri tu, ci dimpotriva sti sa faci anumite lucruri la momentul potrivit.

-Imi cer scuze ca...am dat buzna in biblioteca dvs. dar eram foarte plictisita si nu vroiam sa pierd timpul degeaba pana veniti dvs. Aveti o biblioteca foarte frumoasa, ce n-as da sa am si eu una asa candva...un tezaur de cultura.Le-ati citit pe toate?

-In primul rand trebuie sa inveti un lucru, niciodata sa nu iti ceri scuze cand faci un lucru bun, nu ai furat, nu ai mintit, nu ai distrus nimic deci nu trebuie sa te scuzi. Prea multe scuze atunci cand nu e cazul scad din demnitatea omului, te fac sa scazi atat in ochii celorlalti dar si in ai tai, te vor face sa fi tu vinovata intotdeauna. E foarte bine ceea ce ai facut, ba chiar te felicit, de aici reiese inca o trasatura a ta foarte importanta, faptul ca nu iti place sa pierzi nici o secunda si ca sti sa pretuiesti timpul. Dar de lucrurile astea va trebui sa iti dai seama singura mai departe, nu trebuie sa astepti sa iti zic eu de fiecare data: ai facut asta deci rezulta asta...Tu iti vei fi de acum incolo cel mai bun prieten si va trebui sa comunici cu eul tau si sa te descoperi singura. De asemenea trebuie sa te invingi pe tine, partea care ti-e cel mai mare dusman, trebuie sa inveti sa te controlezi. Nu-ti fa griji, vei ajunge sa faci toate astea, dar cum ti-am mai spus, fiecare lucru la timpul lui.

-Aveam obiceiul sa imi cer iertare intotdeauna, chiar si atunci cand nu trebuia. Faceam asta pentru ca vroiam sa evit anumite conflicte si tacand credeam ca e mai bine asumandu-mi  vina...

-Nu,tu confunzi notiunea de a evita conflictele prin tacere, cu aceea de a recunoste lucruri pe care nu le-ai facut si in cazul asta nu faci bine, ci dimpotriva-

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Dar avand si cursuri de predat cand veti avea timp sa faceti  atatea ore si cu mine? Si sigur nu va deranjeaza pe dvs sau pe baiatul dvs faptul ca stau aici?

            -Stai linistita, nu ne deranjeaza pe niciunul, dimpotriva, de 5 ani de cand sotia mea a murit nu a mai fost nici o prezenta feminina in casa noastra, dupa cum cred ca ai aflat si tu, nici prea multi barbati nu ne viziteaza, pentru ca in intimitatea caminului nostru preferam sa fim doar noi doi. Sa nu intelegi gresit faptul ca ne bucuram de prezenta ta feminina, dar in cultura noastra o femeie intr-o casa inseamna foarte mult, ea e cea care lumineaza casa, o incalzeste si-i da farmec.De cand esti tu aici nu ne mai simtim atat de singuri. Cat despre timp, vom avea destul....

 -Pot ca timpul meu liber  sa il petrec in biblioteca, citind? Dupa cum am mai spus, nu prea sunt genul care sa prefer plimbarile si distractile, cartile fiind mare mea pasiune, poate chiar obsesie.

-Hmm...poti sa si citesti ce vrei tu in timpul tau liber, poate ca pe de o parte e mai bine, pentru a fi in contact numai cu lumea ta, dar...mai adaug o noua regula, o ora zilnic trebuie sa te plimbi, unde vrei tu, prin padure, prin oras, dar trebuie. Caci daca stai numai in casa nu sunt atat de mari sansele sa realizezi ceea ce ti-ai propus, se pare ca esti mult mai izolata decat ar trebui, decat e normal si decat credeam. Va trebui sa te invat si sa accepti lumea, sa o cunosti, sa o asculti. Intelepciunea nu presupune o izolare totala, definitiva asa cum poate crezi tu, ci doar una temporara.

-Cred ca dintre toate, asta o sa fie cel mai greu pentru mine, sa accept lumea, sa accept faptul ca si eu fac parte din ea si ca nu trebuie sau nu e absolut nevoie sa ma izolez de tot.

-Da, asa e. Si inca un lucru foarte important, nu uita motivul pentru care ai venit aici, nu uita ce ai promis ca o sa lasi in urma, ce te-a decazut...

-Nu stiu de ce am impresia ca mi-ati citit gandurile de ieri, e adevarat?

-Nu pot citi gandurile...le pot intui...Da, mi-am dat seama foarte usor ceea ce gandeai, e mult mai usor sa citesti o femeie dupa privire decat un barbat. Si oricum e ceva ce banuiam, stiam dinainte sa ajungi tu aici. Incearca sa uiti dragostea fizica, incearca atunci cand simti ca te cuprinde sa o transformi in altceva, intr-o dragoste spirituala, incearca sa iubesti asa cum ne cere D-zeu sa ne iubim aproapele. Nu uita ca tocmai asta e cauza tuturor lucrurilor ce ti s-au intamplat, trebuie sa inveti sa controlezi dragostea, sa o transformi in asa fel incat sa o poti stapani, nu sa te lasi stapanita de ea. Stiu ce simti, stiu ca te abtii si probabil e greu avand in vedere amintirile care iti revin atunci cand il vezi, Iti aminteste de cineva, nu?De acel El de care imi povesteai?

-Da asa e, dar fac tot posibilul sa ma stapanesc, pentru ca stiu care e scopul meu si nu vreau sa deviez si mai ales nu vreau sa va dezamagesc,dar nici pe mine.

-Ma bucur ca ai inteles.I-am spus si lui toate aceste lucruri. Nu e vorba despre faptul ca e interzisa o relatie intre voi, sau ca nu sunt de acord. E vorba despre faptul ca dintre toate sentimentele dragostea are cea mai mare putere si ar putea, mai mult ca sigur sa te distraga de la scopul tau, sa te faca sa o iei pe un alt drum. Intelegi ce vreau sa spun?

-Da, asa e, aveti mare dreptate, o sa fac asa cum m-ati invatat. Promit ca nu o sa va dezamagesc si ca nu o sa uit ce mi-ati spus.

           -Nu trebuie sa promiti nimic, trebuie sa crezi si sa faci

        -Sunt uneori un pic nedumerit in legatura cu tine.Ma bucur foarte mult de faptul ca  esti  atat de constiincioasa, ca inveti atat de repede totul, dar e si ceva in neregula cu asta. Mi-e teama pentru tine si viitorul tau, prea multa cunoastere nu e buna si s-ar putea sa te decada mai mai mult decat s-a intamplat inainte. Esti mult prea obsedata de toate astea, am observat ca nu esti doar pasionata, ci obsedata in adevaratul sens al cuvantului, ai o ambitie bolnavicioasa, nu te lasi cu nici un pret de ceea ce ai inceput, ai fi in stare de orice sacrificii pentru a termina ceea ce ai inceput si nu e bine. Sa sti ca sunt multi oamenii care atunci cand au stiut prea multe, cand au dat de unele cunostiinte care nu erau pentru ei, care erau mult prea superioare, le-au interepretat si folosit intr-un scop gresit si s-au schimbat, au devenit intruchiparea raului. Iti spun toate astea pentru ca abia acum realizez ca zace in tine o forta nemarginita  si imi dau seama ca ai putea fi in stare de orice atunci cand vei dori, ca pentru tine chiar nu exista termenul de imposibil si tu chiar  vrei sa cunosti lumea, cea vazuta dar si cea nevazuta in intregime, vrei sa-i descoperi toate secretele. Iti spun ca sa ai grija, ca sa te gandesti bine ce vrei, ce o sa faci, si sa nu uiti ca atunci cand dobandesti multe cunostiinte, niciodata nu le folosi in scop personal, daca esti in stare sa ai, sa faci, sa sti multe, foloseste-le pentru a-i ajuta pe altii, pentru a-i schimba in bine sau chiar pentru a-i invata, caci toata stiinta, tot ceeea ce ti numai pentru tine te va roade pe dinauntru si te va transforma intr-un om rau , vei ajunge o persoana egoista, orgolioasa  si dornica de putere, genul acela de om care va calca in picioare pe oricine pentru a-si atinge telurile.

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 © 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

The light doesn't come from light, but from dark

"The light doesn't come from  light, but from  dark"   (Mircea Eliade)
"Man needs what's worst in him in order to achieve what's best in him” (Paulo Coelho)
Two quotes from two of my favourites writers...Two quotes revealing the same thing.Two quotes in wich you can find hope and strenght.They teach you that you can get something good from every bad thing.Things that you always hated when they happend, bad memories, as much pain as they caused you in the past , you may not know it but  they influence  your future in ways you are not aware about. In a good way.And if you haven't had experienced those bad things, many of the good things from the present would've never came into your life.

Bad things in my life(in the past) wich lead to good ones(in the present):

 I never understood why, but girls  never seemed to like me....So, even since i was 5-6 years old, I couldn't find a girl to be my friend, so I had to play with boys....I guess  I became a little bit of a tom-boy....I  used to play with cars instead of dolls, I used to play football...Even when I grew up I still couldn't find a girl friend. My best friends were always guys. But as dissappointed as I was because of that...now I realise how much I actually achived  being around boys all the time.They always saw me as one of them ..as a...dude-girl...so they never hide themselves from me, they talk freely about anything around me.And that's how I ended  up knowing perfectly what's in a guy's mind, but also in his soul. I've learned how to "read" guys at first sight. And that helps me now in my relationships, that also makes me a better girlfriend because I can understand a man's nature better then other girls do.That makes me more understanding...

Another thing I used to hate is that until I was 8 years old  I've spent  most of the time living with my grandparents.I still hate my mom sometimes for that She made me feel unloved, unwanted, rejected...and I guess that's the reason why I'm still so scared of rejection in the present. But still, there are plenty of good things that came out from this bad one. I  was kind of a rebel because I didn't really had someone to take care of me("I had no daddy around when I was growing up, that's why I'm wild and crazy and I don't give a fuck":P). You know how grandparents are, they are busy with their own stuff ,so they can't really keep an eye on you all the time. And besides that, it's easier to trick them. So I had a lot of freedom at my disposal. I never cared about rules, I never feared the unknown side of the world, I was always taking risks, and then paying the consequences. And those things influenced the way I am today. That's the reason why, when the  world is turning right, I'm the one who's turning left. Because of that I was never afraid of changes and consequences. Because of that I've learned to manage on my own, to count on no one but me, to be strong without needing any support. Because of that I don't obey without asking why should I ?Because of that I am not affraid to walk on my own path, even if it's an unwalked path,dangerous,and hard one.Because of that I can do anything I want because I can adapt to any kind of emviroment

First year of highschool was like walking through hell...It was so bad that I don't even wanna talk about it. Just think, how bad can be somethings to make you stop going out. How bad can be something to make you spend all your free time at home..for a few years...You have no idea how bad it was. But you know what I've gained from that? I focused all my time on school...I've spend my free time reading..and that made me wiser..that turned me into a girl hungry for knowledge. That was the year when I started to write.That was the  year when I started to be interested in more deeper stuff. And if those bad things from that year would've never happened,now i would be 100% different. I would be a girl like any other.A girl interested only in fashion and  guys.

And the list with bad things wich lead me to good ones is so long that I could write many pages,But I hope I made my point witth these few examples.

What I was trying so say is that we shouldn't fear bad things, pain, mistakes, dark...because there's light hidden in  their darkness...because from a bad thing we achive a lot, things that lasts forever, instead from a good thing you achieve nothing, but a temporary satisfaction.

So fear not my friend, you'll see one day, maybe when you'll be older, that I was right...
You'll se the light...
And you'll understand that darkness is only the container and light is the essence
Light is just covered in darkness, so it might be hard for you to see it sometimes, but light is always there, and you can always find it if you want
So fear not



 © 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

You wanna know the truth?Here's the truth

You know...people always saw me as the strong one, the one who's able to do anything.That should've made me happy, right? But no...I never was...I felt like a robot...like I wasn't allowed to fail, like i was forced to be perfect....But hey,I'm only human... People having so many expectationes from me, actually harmed me,inside.Because it made me create another side of me, a fake one,and no matter how broken i was i had to not let them see it...

But no more .... I found the strenght to face the hidden side of me and let it out.We have only one life,a short one, why wasting it living a lie? Since I've made peace with myself,since I accepted that no one is perfect so there is no way I could be, I keep discovering new things about myself,day by day..

For example,today.I realised I'm scared,I'm scared when it comes about love,I've got my own insecurities wich makes me fear.. I know I shouldn't be but I am scared.I'm scared of being rejected.I've been once and it still hurts so badly,even now after almost 5 years, like the scars of rejection are still fresh on my heart...

It's funny...because most of the people see me as a great girl, one that any guy should be lucky to have as a girlfriend...but still....I'm scared that no matter how good I am I will never be good enough.I'm scared that as soon as I will make a mistake those that I love will push me away.

And I'm scared because I'm impulsive and I always rush things...I'm always more onest then I should.I can't keep things inside me, i always share what I feel, what I think and that's not such a good thing because sometimes people get scared when I do that.

I'm scared because even if I'm lucky to find a good guy I push him aways because I'm scared that he might do it as soon as he finds out I'm not what he thought I was.

That's why I don't wanna do it anymore.

I don't want anyting fake about me,I don't wanna sell illusions.
I want the guy who will have me as his girlfriend to have a real thing, the real me.
I want him to trust me,to rely on me that I will always be onest.I want him to know me the way I realy am.And if I got flaws I don't want him so say something like :"No, honey, you're not like that...You look perfect, you are perfect, I love you the way you are".I don't belive in these things, I don't want him to accept my flaws, I want him to help me change them, because in my opinion that will make the relationship even stronger.


So(This is for my next boyfriend, for whoever wants to be my friend/boyfriend) ...don't like me the way I am, tell me what's wrong about me, tell me what you don't like about me, or just tell me what should I change in order for me to look better, to behave better, what should I change to make our relationship work better, what should I change to make you happy.

Because I do wanna make you happy, that's why I choose you, for both of us to be happy.

And I do wanna change.I do wanna be better,For me,for you, for us.I'm not like other girls.I won't say "If you like me take me as I am, if you don't like me the way I am,then go fuck yourself" So remember that...

Like I said I'm scared....if this is one of the things you don't like about be then help me cope with my fears, help me to understand that I have no reason to be scared. You probably don't understand why am I actually scared.It's because i jump to soon in relationships...because when I like a guy It's hard for me to take things slowly and that ruins everything.

You know good things are hard to find...so I don't wanna ruin it..That's why from now on I wanna take things slowly( as slowly as i will be able to,even if it's so hard to wait to get something when you want it right now),I wanna take the time I need to be ready for it...I wanna make sure that we do things in the right way...I wanna make sure that we know each other very well before we jump to the next stage, before we jumpt to the real thing..

Don't get me wrong..I mean...if you read this you might freak out and think I want something more seriously then what you want.I'm not saying I do,I'm not saying I don't.I'm saying just in case you want ...a real thing...

I'm just saying that ...when someone likes me...and wants to date me or something like that , he should read this and understand that...I like him to(probably...I mean...I won't like every guy who likes me, but if I like him,probably he already knows it when reading this) but I'm scared, and that's why i begg him not to put to too much pressure on me(like other guys did,when they kept calling me 100 times, or asked me everyday when are we going to meet).Trust me, whe the right time comes it will happen. Of course, that will happen only if you think it worths waiting for me

So..that's what I had on my mind and I've said it.No matter what, at least I feel better already for being 100% onest, and being brave enough to admit that I ain't perfect.



 © 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

Eliade, un om, un destin

Al eseu...tot despre Mircea Eliade,scris in clasa a X-a pentru "Colocviile Mircea Eliade" de la Sighisoara.

Superb orasul, oameni foarte primitori, elevi inteligenti...a fost o placere sa am onoarea de a participa.

Si distractie pe masura.

Multumesc celor care mi-au acordat sansa sansa acestei experiente (fostei diriginte Adela Schindler)

                                                Eliade - un om, un destin

E greu sa nu remarci contributia pe care a avut-o Mircea Eliade in literatura romana. Opera sa atat de vasta si de diversa a fost scrisa cu multa pasiune dar in primul rand cu un efort urias. Si-a elaborat lucrarile Stiintifice in romana, franceza, engleza. In schimb operele literare si autobiografice le-a scris inca din perioada exilului, dupa cel de-al doilea razboi mondial, exclusiv in romana pentru ca asa cum afirma chiar Eliade: ,, Eu nu pot scrie literatura decat in romaneste. In limba in care visez…Este si limba in care pot marturisi unei femei ca o iubesc” (Mircea Eliade-Memorii, pag. 103). Ar fi atat de multe de spus despre Eliade, despre viat a si creatia lui, incat cu greu am putea spune ceva nou, caci e un scriitor enorm de mult discutat Si deopotriva apreciat. Sa spun ca a fost un celebru eseist, nuvelist, folclorist, romancier, orientalist, dar si un mare istoric al religilor? De prisos sa continui insirand numeroasele lui preocupari sau creatii precum: Tratatul de isorie a religiilor, Oceanografie, Comentarii la legenda meSterului Manole, Noaptea de Sanziene, Maitreyi, DomniSoara Christina etc.

Sunt multi care l-au criticat. Chiar si prietenul sau, Emil Cioran, ii reprosa obsesia multigrafismului nemasurat, incapacitatea de a se concentra asupra unui singur lucru Si asupra unei singure idei ca si, in schimb, faptul de a se interesa, cu entuziasm si optimism in egala masura de esential si accidental, de atemporal si cotidian, de mistica, literatura, istorie si-nu in ultimul rand-de politica. Obiectia principala a lui Cioran se referea la pozitia precara a lui Eliade situat la periferia oricarei religii ,,Nu se numara el printre reprezentantii cei mai straluciti ai unui nou alexandrinism care, ca si cel antic, pune pe acelasi plan toate credintele, fara sa poata adera la vreuna? ”. Si Cioran ajunge la uluitoarea concluzie: ,,Suntem tot iin frunte cu Eliade niste fosti credinciosi, suntem toti niste spirite religioase fara religie” ( Richard Reschika-Introducere in opera lui Mircea Eliade, pag 9). Totusi sunt destui si aceia care il apreciaza pentru ceea ce a scris. Eliade ar merita cu desavarsire titlul  de geniu al literaturii romane sau chiar de supraom. Nu sunt cuvinte potrivite care sa il descrie , e mult prea diferit fata de ceilati oameni, de alti scriitori.

Sunt multi care poate nu au auzit de Mircea Eliade, multi care l-au citit numai din obligatie, dar si cei care l-au citit din placere nu pot spune ca l-au inteles pe deplin caci a fost Ss va ramane o enigma ca orice geniu.

Cartile lui nu sunt ca altele, nu sunt genul acela de carti pe care le citesti petru a evada cateva ore din cotidian. Sunt carti care te influenteaza, te schimba si iti ofera o noua perspectiva asupra vietii. Daca vrei sa le intelegi trebuie sa le parcurgi nu numai cu mintea, ci si cu sufletul, trebuie sa parcurgi dincolo de limite, de real, de normal, uitand de toate legile universului, sa ai o gandire libera, pura.Trebuie sa vezi ceea ce el  iti  transmite, sa simti, sa fii martor si deci sa te implici.

L-am descoperit de Mircea Elide destul de tarziu, acum un an, cand am fost nevoita sa citesc Romanul adoloescentului miop. Nu mi-a placut prea mult, nu mi-a atras deloc atentia si mai ales nu l-am inteles. Mai tarziu la recomandarea fratelui meu am citit Maitreyi. Abia atunci am descoperit farmecul romanelor lui Eliade. Uitasem complet de Eliade si ma indreptasem spre alti scriitori. Pana acum. Vroiam sa fac un eseu si nestiind ce tema sa aleg m-am intors de la biblioteca cu un brat de carti .Si am inceput sa studiez. Afland atat de multe lucruri mi-am pus intrebarea: De ce sa aleg o tema anume si sa spun ceva despre care au vorbit multi alii inaintea mea? Mai bine sa vorbesc despre Eliade asa cum il vad eu.

M-a impresionat atat de mult cum nu am crezut ca o poate face un scriitor. A trezit in mine acea dorinta de cunoastere pe care o avea si el. M-a facut sa cred in mine, in destin. M-a facut pur si simplu sa privesc viata  cu alti ochi, sa am alte asteptari de la viata, sa gandesc altfel. M-a facut sa vad si sa cred in acele semne despre care el vorbea, semne pe care le cauta si Stefan Viziru din romanul Noaptea de Sanziene.

Si pentru ca am ales sa vorbesc despre Eliade asa cum il vad eu, vreau sa mentionez cateva lucruri despre el care mi-au atras atentia, m-au impresionat si m-au facut sa il admir:

La fel ca majoritatea scriitorilor nu a avut darul de a scrie pur si simplu, ci a fost nevoie sa depuna un foarte mare efort, sa se supuna unei munci indelungate si coplesitoare: ,,Ma culcam spre dimineata, dar nu dormeam decat 3-4 ceasuri. Imi pregateam o ceasca mare de cafea Si ma intorceam la lucru. La un moment dat mi-am dat seama ca nu mai stiu in ce zi a saptamanii ma aflam. Nu ma incumetam sa cobor si sa intreb portarul. Mi-era teama ca ma voi prabusi pe scari.” (Mircea Eliade-Memorii,pag.93).
,,Labor omnia vincit improbus” (munca neincetata invinge totul) ,aceasta maxima a lui Virgiliu pare sa-i fi ghidat lui Eliade toata viata. El a lasat posteritatii o opera globala de o impresionanta bogatie si intindere, in jur de cincizeci de volume, printre care lucrari despre istoria miturilor si a ideilor religioase, romane, nuvele, piese de teatru, culegeri si studii, articole de ziar o corespondenta intinsa cu diverse personalitati, ca si un jurnal de aproximativ zece mii de pagini din care s-a publicat cam abia o sesime. (Richard Reschika- Introducere in opera lui Mircea Eliade, pag 7)

Eliade a scris foarte mult Si intr-un timp destul de scurt. Se grabea. Se grabea probabil de teama ca nu va apuca sa  termine tot ce si-a propus, tot ce trebuia sa spuna lumii. De aici si truda cu care scria, ritmul alert. Ii era mai ales teama datorita contextului politic, datorita miscarii legionare. Se temea ca va pieri in urma unei morti colective: ,,Acum in noaptea de 9 septembrie 1940, necesitatea- as fi spus fatalitatea unei ,, morti colective” , intr-un adapost din Londra va tulbura prin enigmatica ei indiferenta( n-as putea sa o numesc absurditate) . Daca ma asteapta un asemenea trist final inseamna ca de la un anumit moment dat am apucat pe un drum care nu facea parte din destinul meu. Daca destinele noastre erau asa cum mi se parea solidare, ar fi trebuit sa mor singur, asa cum a murit Nae Ionescu, ingaduindu-i-se un rastimp ca sa mediteze, sa se roage. Enigma mortii colective care ma astepta ma impiedica sa ma ,, adun” , sa realizez ca de la o clipa la alta, voi inceta sa exist...”(Mircea Eliade-Memorii, pag. 13)

Mircea Eliade s-a stins din viata in aprilie 1986 cu o carte in mana. Fara sa o fi scris pe cea care l-a tentat atat de mult. Omul ca simbol. El. Destinul hotarase altfel...

,,Dar destinul hotarase altfel..”. Ultima fraza a ultimei carti scrise de Eliade. Ultimul simbol pe care ni-l propusese. Aici sacrul nu mai este preocupat sa se camufleze. Pentru ca o opera neterminata sa se incheie cu aceste cuvinte, ea trebuia sa fie scrisa de un Eliade. Inainte de a pleca, decodificatorul mistrelor adauga inca o cheie celor care ni le lasase deja. Ca inca o lumina inainte de a se cufunda in cea a ,, vietii de dupa viata”

Si atunci se mai poate confirma cu certitudine ca nu a avut timpul necesar sa poata termina aceasta carte? Timp...Carte...Daca Eliade a fost stapanit pana la obsesie de carte,aceasta este pentru ca ea constituia pentru el un mijloc privilegiat de ,,a iesi din timp” de “a pune in valoare moartea conceputa ca reintegrare”. Dar si aici destinul hotarase in mai multe imprejurari altfel:atatea note, manuscrise, caiete pierdute la Londra in timpul razboiului, arse din nebagare de seama la Paris si, ila sfarsit, mistuite de flacari la Chigago intr-un incendiu inexplicabil...Cine poate spune cat de puternic a fost pentru el acest ultim soc?

In acea zi Eliade se temea ca nu cumva focul sa fi distrus printre altele si manuscrisul Jurnalului sau, martor afectiv al vietii sale. Profund afectat sa fi vazut el in asta sub aparenta profanului,unul din acele semne pe care stia sa le descifreze ca nimeni altul? ,,Moartea colectiva” care il preocupa de atata timp, incepea cu cea a scrierilor sale, inedite, ataca perfid amintirile.

Destinul hotarase astfel...

Bibliografie:

·        Mircea Elide-Memorii,BucureSti,editura Humanitas,1991

·        Mircea Elide-Noaptea de Sanziene,BucureSti,editura Univers enciclopedic,1999

Silvana Potocean, clasa a-X-a E, Liceul Teoretic ,,Mircea Eliade”, Resita,

Coordonator- prof. Adela Lungu(Schindler)



 © 2009-2010 (satmaya) All Rights Reserved

Tu stii cine iti saboteaza succesul?

-Creierul reptilian-

Creierul reptilian sau animalic(o ramasita a omului primitiv), ,amigdala ,creierul primitiv sunt toate denumiri pentru “vinovatul” din spatele actiunilor pe care nu le poti indeplini oricat ai vrea..El e cel care ne saboteaza succesul.Sa spui una, dar sa faci alta,iti suna familiar?Da,acelasi verdict:vinovat!vinovat!vinovat!Da,chiar el, creierul reptilian.

Dar ce e creierul reptilian de fapt? Multi nu sunt familiari cu aceasta notiune ce pare desprinsa dintr-un film SF cu reptile ucigase :P ( cel putin asta mi-a venit mie prima oara in minte cand am auzit de creier reptilian).Si totusi e ceva cat se poate de real,dovedit stiintific etc.Acest creier reptilian e de fapt centrul emotional primitiv al creierului .numit amygdala El detine acea memorie emotionala care te face sa reactionezi la stimulii din mediu fara sa te gandesti la asta. Ne face sa traim inconstienti comportamente programate ca raspuns la diferiti stimuli din mediu . Tot ceea ce tine de sex, putere,imagine de sine, mancare va declansa raspunsuri ale creierului reptilian. Principalele "emotii" emanate din el sunt , "afectiunea animalica" , ura , frica si dezmatul.

Daca ai fi in pericolul de a fi “papat”  de un urs,acest creier reptilian ar declansa reactia de frica salvandu-ti viata.Dar pe cat de util e in asemenea situatii, pe atat de....nepotrivit...e in viata de zi cu zi.In nici un caz nu ai vrea ca el sa detina controlul atunci cand esti la dieta sau in orice alta activitate ce implica planificare, abtinere...

Nu-ti dai seama cum de ai mancat o cutie intreaga de inghetata, o farfurie plina de prajituri etc? Fara sa iti dai seama te trezesti cu farfuria/cutia/punga goala....De ce, oricat de multa ambitie, motivatie ai avea sa tii dieta, cand ai la indemana o ciocolata sau orice altceva iti place, e imposibil sa rezisti? Pun pariu ca ai dat vina pe tine, ca nu esti in stare sa te abtii, pe mama/sora/prietena pentru ca a cumparat ciocolata, ca a lasat-o la vedere...Dar ...nu...ghici ce?Da,banuiai ca asta o sa spun, tot creierul asta reptilian e de vina pentru ca unul dintre rolurile lui e in conditionarea apetitului. Acuma o sa il urasti pe el,nu?:) Si stai un pic ca nu am terminat, daca ai stii cate necazuri ne face....

Cand un barbat vede o “bunaciune” si tot ce isi doreste e sa ajunga cu ea in pat, chiar daca nu ar trebui sa faca asta fiindca poate...e insurat :p ghici cine e vinovat ? ( aviz amatorilor! A nu se folosi asta ca scuza pentru infidelitate).Chiar daca nea’ reptilianu’ ne cam controleaza, nu suntem sclavii lui, putem totusi lupta, pentru asta avem neocortexul( creierul rational).Cand la TV apare Penelope Cruz facand reclama la vopseaua de par de la firma ****** si ne determina sa o cumparam si noi, in iluzia ca asta ne va face la fel de fermecatoare ca Penelope , oare cine-i vinovat?Din nou creierul reptilian...

Te intrebi de ce face asta?

Pai sa luam chiar exemplul cu dieta : tu,dorind sa slabesti reduci caloric,cantitativ mancarea ingerata.El n-are de unde sa stie ca tu ai ceva surplus de greutate si ca e spre binele tau sa scapi de el.Pur si simplu pentru el,ceea ce faci tu e infometare.E o agresivitate, o amenintare iar rolul lui fundamental fiind de supravietuire, evident ca te va impiedica de la restrictiile la care vrei sa il supui.

De ce e asa greu sa stapanim acest creier “de reptila”, care traieste in capetele noastre? Pentru ca functioneaza ca un program. Deprogramarea lui cere constiinta continua, disciplina ...

Dar daca am reusi acest lucru, deprogramarea instinctului reptilian, a fricii pentru supravietuire,acest lucru ar duce automat la evolutia creierului.N-ar fi minunat sa ajungem in sfarsit sa dispunem de toate capacitatea noastra intelectuala?Sa controlam in loc sa fim sclavii propriului creier? Si cum putem face asta , cum putem sa luptam cu aceste impulsuri? Concentreaza-te! .Avem un creier reptlian, dar asta nu ne face reptile.Nu degeaba suntem numite fiinte rationale.

Cateva sfaturi pentru a putea face asta(pt o mai buna concentrare)
1. Mananca sanatos,mese echilibrate si bogate in proteine
2.Evita gustarile ce contin carbohidrati simpli sau zahar
3. Antreneaza-ti mintea si corpul
4. Dormi suficient
5. Ia suplimente care sa iti imbunatateasca concentrarea

Un alt lucru important de stiut este ca o activitate crescuta a amigdalei(creierul reptilian) este legata de aparitia multor tulburari psihice, in special tulburarea de personalitate de tip borderline ,fobia sociala,depresia, autismul si chiar schizofrenia. Pai si neocortexul, ratiunea de ce nu ne ajuta? In primul rand creierul reptlian, creierul emotional si neocortexul nu comunica foarte bine, primul este cel care le domina pe celalalte, probabil regula primului venit :P( deci in ciuda faptului ca suntem fiinte rationale, tot impulsurile ne domina?!  ) ....

Desi noua, oamenilor obisnuiti, ne face mai mult rau decat bine acest creier reptilian, exista si cineva care profita de pe urma lui.Mijloacele mass-media care stiu cum sa ne puna fata in fata cu stimulii potriviti, care sa declanseze automatismele creierului reptilian , astfel incat sa ne transforme in adevarati consumatori de mancare,sex si produse de infrumusetare. Daca stimulii sunt folositi eficient se poate obtine manipularea in masa. Prin frica (principalul declansator al creierului reptilian)suntem condusi/manipulati.Asa guvernele isi pot indeplini obiectivele din agenda in cel mai simplu mod.(ne e frica de gripa porcina-deci ne vaccinam) Stiu...e descurajant.... Si e pacat ca nu se acorda o atentie mai mare acestui subiect, ca nu se cauta o solutie pentru a putea putea prelua controlul asupra creierului reptilian si a-i impiedica pe “cei din umbra” sa ne manipuleze.

Majoritatea celor care au disputat acest subiect sunt de parere ca acest creier reptilian( amygdala) ar trebui redus la tacere, eliminat....Ceea ce ar fi o mare greseala, pentru ca sunt situatii in care avem nevoie de el, in care viata noastra depinde de automatismele care in general ne saboteaza planurile.Fara acesta am orbecai in ignoranta, in lipsa lui, la vederea unui lup in loc sa cautam o modalitate de a ne salva, ne-am apropia de el spunand ceva de genul:”Ooo, ce caine mare, si uite cum imi zambeste ca sa vad ce dinti ascutiti are.Lupule,da’ de ce ai dintii asa ascutiti?Si de ce salivezi asa tare cand ma vezi?”

Asadar, sa scapam de creierul reptilian sau sa il ignoram nu e o solutie optima.Ceea ce putem face e sa il acceptam, sa intelegem ca el nu incearca decat sa ne salveze si atunci cand observam o reactie declansata de acesta, sa ne detasam, sa ne oprim inainte de a lua orice decizie, sa amanam „actul” pe care vrem sa-l intreprindem.Prin amanare, vom obtine astfel scaderea puterii stimulului asupra noastra, ceea ce ne va ajuta sa ne luptam mai usor .Observand automatismele din prisma unui suport emotional “calm”pentru a le neutraliza si pentru a le “inlocui” cu o serie noua de de patternuri energetice ce da acces la multidimensionalitatea Creatiei, iar corpul fizic devine un “templu/vehicol” maleabil si controlabil 100%!

Si nu uitati, lipsa unei solutii garantate in prezent nu trebuie sa ne descurajeze.CONSTIENTIZAREA e intotdeauna primul si cel mai important pas in obtinerea unui rezultat pozitiv...




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