How do you know when you miss someone?

,This post is for someone special...he never knew what he meant  for me....he always thought he was just a "good friend" but he was so much more  then...
.And I'm sorry that I've ruined it  all .So...if you read this you should know I'm sorry that I took you out of my life...

These days a strange feeling crosses my chest...

Some people say about me that I'm cold, mean , cruel and so on...because I don't care...because i love someone today, and tomorrow I move on and act like I
 never knew him...but It's not my fault...I've had too much pain in my life, too soon, so not missing people is the way i cope with pain...Speaking of pain .you know what is helpful for me?sometimes when it's hard to deal with pain i remember when you said that  it's a good thing to face problems earlier...because you become an expert and that makes it easier...
I always knew somehow, the people  I love will always be too far away from me, that's why I decided that I shall never miss someone, i must pretend I'm strong and move on like nothing  happened...It all started with my mum....

But anyway...that's not what i wanna talk about right now..

So, my dear friend....I've met you almost one year ago...through a social network...from the very beginning we got along so perfectly...you were a Scorpio, i was an Aquarius...perfect match when it comes about friendship...but
 wich leads to getting burned when it comes about love...

I know we haven't talked in months, but I never forgot about you...Do you remember you  always made me laugh when  i was sad?You still do it .Today i was reading our past conversations on messenger and it made me feel better, it made my sorrow a little less bitter, it made me  smile/laugh many times.

.One of the things that made me laugh:  i was having problems with my blood presure, so you search on the internet for a cure and you found this: put 2-3 fresh  chestnuts in your left pocket and mix them with you hand
Another time i said i'm like a kid...i behave with  boys like I  would do with a toy...everytime i see a nice one, i want it , and cry until i get it...but after a while i get bored and want a new one...but that doesn't mean i give up on the others...just because i'm not playing  with a toy anymore doesn't mean i will give it to someone else, i keep all my toys in closet...and you said: You keep guys in your closet??? :))) that's wicked

You never knew how much i cared about you..but do you remember the Saint Alexander's day?When I've send you a postcard?you said you never celebrated it, and i was the first one to have said you happy  Sain Alexander's day.......
We always had so many things in common...do you remember you liked that song from Nane -"ai un om", and i liked it to...you said you were in the posture of the guy from home..and i was in the posture of that girl...

Do you remember when  you said you have a towel with a butterfly on it from your ex-girl,and you use it every time,after washing  your face?And I said i  also have a towel from my ex-boyfriend, with  tweety on it and i use it every time after i take a  shower?
You know, we both have dark and kinky thoughts... we both like playing  with fire and getting  burned because we like pain 'cause it makes us stronger....

You said you liked me,but you thought i never felt the same....and you thought there was no way you could've got closer, because of the guy that i was with at that time...you said: "...because you're  dreaming  army guys
...freakin' army guys...i can't compete with something like that..."

well, guess what...no matter how much  i loved that army guy...what me and you had...it was...deeper then that...i mean...what i had with the army guy it was more like me giving everything to him, him being happy that he gets everything for free,and me being happy for being an army girlfriend, being happy i have someone to sacrifice for....


but with you everything would've been different...it would've been more of an equal thing....if you were  my boyfriend it would've been a relationship with great chemistry,but we would be also best friends , we would know how  to listen to each other....we could've been best match....with very few chances to fail...

Do you remember when we said that we both felt lonely...but we didn't want someone for sex...we just wanted someone to sleep next to us in bed...someone to hold us in a cold night, someone to kiss for good night, someone to wake up with him/her beeing next to you...someone to put my head on his chest....

That's how i miss you my  Scorpio...'cause you were the one who made me smile..you  were the one with whom  i've spent with so many  summer nights ,  talking until the sunrise  ...

                                      miss you boy :(



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